Not another Elf on a Shelf

To quote Twilight character Bella Swan, "No one has loved anyone as much" as I love my husband.

That said, he could always be better (who couldn't?!).  I wish I could invent an "Elf on the Shelf: Husband Version" to always keep mine--and yours--on his best behavior.

I only just learned about this Elf on the Shelf business three weeks ago and now I can't seem to get away from them. From what I gather from my Facebook feed, this elf guy, whom everyone must name on their own, does scouting trips about those in your home to the North Pole, reporting who was good and who isn't worth signing (ha - see what I did there).  The "only" problem is that I can't think of a good name for this new product. I spent WAY too much time thinking about this and before I knew it, I was in a day dream getting an offer from Mark Cuban on Shark Tank (though in reality I'd really want the offer to come from the guy with the thick, brown Ken doll hair whose name escapes me at the moment).

Before things to that point, or any point for that matter, there's still the whole product name hurdle to jump before we get really kick off R&D. Here are all the words I was trying to play/rhyme with: 

Spouse in the House
Lover Bear in the Chair
Wife for Life

As you can see, I have some work to do. Good thing I have some time off from my day job to around the Holidays to keep thinking . . .

Thank you

Post script:  I actually wrote this November 21 but didn’t post it because I got busy.  Considering a few things that have happened recently--namely, the Sandy Hook shooting and the recent passing of one of the top five most influential people in my life, “Mama Tu Tu,” I felt compelled to reflect and go back to and focus on living a life of thanks --even about the trivial stuff below.  Life is too short.

People never cease to amaze me – in good ways and in bad. Today, for instance, I was parked in a parking lot responding to a text (don’t text and drive, people) and my window was rolled down, as was the gentleman’s who drove past me, grumbling audibly that some “stupid kids” stole his parking spot. But also today I worked registration table at a blood drive. People always respond well to the Red Cross name, but in light of Superstorm Sandy, people are especially responsive and eager to help the cause. People are here telling me their stories about volunteering, many just stop in not planning to spend 45 minutes of their day donating blood, but do it anyway; it is so awesome to see. So much so that it has put me in a very cheerful mood. But it’s not time for cheer just yet (just over a month until Christmas). ‘Tis the season of thanks right now.

I’m thankful for:

• Holiday traditions:  I missed a call from one of my grandma’s this week and even Matt knew enough to joke, “Annual call for you to bring olives to Thanksgiving, huh?”   Yep. Two cans black, one jar green. It has been my job for several years since entering adulthood for every holiday.
• LivingSocial/Groupon/AmazonLocal, etc. : I LOVE these! Perhaps too much. It’s like, one minute I think, “a shellac manicure or new magazine subscription or two-night hotel stay would be nice” and the next minutes, BAM – there it is!  Saving money is fun.
• Twitter:   …Making me feel cooler than I really am since July 2012. Scooter’s Coffee follows me for Heaven’s sake!  Social media is fun, too.

Obviously I’m thankful for the ol’ standbys, too: my health and that of my family and friends, the fact that I have a job that allows me some spending money (which I spent too much of on a recent trip to Mall of America), a house that keeps me safe and warm and all that good stuff. I’m going to try better to not take it all for granted. In fact, I’m going to stop writing and go home to hug my husband right now! Happy Thanksgiving!

Time flies when you're having fun!

One Year Later: We're still awesome!  Matt & I celebrated our one-year anniversary last week. We went out to dinner and exchanged gifts. He got several "paper"-themed gifts (tickets to the Shrek musical, cigars, a reprint of the Omaha World-Herald front page from our wedding day, etc.), since paper is the traditional one-year gift, and I got a Calvin Johnson Detroit Lions jersey - score!  I just really cannot believe it's already been a year. The memories of our wedding night are a blur but I do know the fun we had that day hasn't stopped for a second. In just the past year alone, we've really enjoyed ourselves. I don't know why people say the first year is the hardest. We reminisced at our anniversary dinner at our go-to special occasion joint, Bonefish Grill, and man, got tired just talking it all through!
Since last October, we...

• Went to Negril, Jamaica on our Honeymoon
• Enjoyed an annual trip to Unadilla - this year via party bus to the town's Groundhog Day celebration
• (Matt) went on his usual March Madness / golfing  / boys trip to Phoenix
• Took in the Power & Light district and a Kansas City Royals game this spring
• Traveled to Brekenridge, CO with friends for a weekend of nature and laughs
• (I) went to Milwaukee on a girls trip
• Wore big hats, won money and drank mint juleps at the Kentucky Derby! 
• GOT A DOG
• Participated in a full-scale recreation of a Bert the Conquerer episode, Wife Carry Obstacle Course
• (I) ran a 10k -- oh, and I won a gold medal at the Cornhusker State Games in softball!
• Built a new deck
• Played in approximately 19,000 games each (ok, maybe I'm exaggerating but not by much) between each of our volleyball, golf and baseball/softball leagues
• Toured the Dallas Cowboys stadium (and saw Big Tex just weeks before he burnt down!)
• Wished many of our friends and family the best as they tied the knot themselves
• And tons of other stuff I'm sure, too...

So I wanted to include a small photo montage for your enjoyment. And this comes on the heels of our next adventure--a MN road trip to see a NFL game and shop at IKEA - woo! Cheers to us, to many more years of fun to come, and to all of who have been part of that fun along the way, this year and always!
xo

Peter Parker (ha ha, get it?)

Last Wednesday, I took my dog for a walk and came back with both a newfound sense of trust in him being off leash—and a new “friend.” Here’s what happened:  Approximately one minute into our walk, we see a guy walking his also young, crazy and cute dog, so the dogs stop to sniff each other.  Other dog owners can attest that usually when this happens, we are able to move on quickly, but this guy was different. He first asked, “is your dog friendly?”  I said, “yes.” [Silent pause].  Second thing out of his mouth, “Wow, that’s a nice ring.” Now, yes, it is. But what a weird thing to say. It means you were looking to see if I was married. It also means you were using your dog to pick up chicks at the park – how cliché. Despite knowing that I was in fact married, he went on to say that I was good-looking and asked if I had any sisters or single friends. He said his name was Peter, he was 32, and he just moved here a week ago to go to Law School, etc, etc. We let the dogs run around and play together while we walked behind and chatted for a bit. I told him about cool things on campus because I was an undergrad there and about places to visit in Omaha. He was really upfront in saying he knew he was coming off as weird, but he just didn’t know how to make friends here if he didn’t just blatantly try. So he gave me his phone number and said to text him if me, my husband or friends ever wanted to show him the ropes, take him Cornhusker tailgating, etc.

So, when I found out we needed a guy sub for volleyball this week, I thought of Peter. When I told Matt I might ask the guy I met at the park, I found out is apparently frowned upon in our establishment to get random guys’ phone numbers. But it’s not like that!! I’m trying to be nice and be helpful in him getting to know people.  I know a lot of people!! Is that so wrong?!

Anyway, Peter won’t be subbing at volleyball.

Do things REALLY happen for a reason?

Friday: I arrive in Milwaukee for a friend's bachelorette weekend (Congrats again, Alex if you're reading this). The group of us girl pedal-tavern our way through the downtown streets of the Third Ward getting drinks and cover charges paid for all the while. A pair of guys in particular took a liking to us.I had  to keep reminding one I was married (apparently guys don't have the same instinct girls do to first glance at a girl's left ring finger before approaching). Anyway, SUPER fun night, after which we promptly slept in until almost noon.

Saturday: When homemade breakfast burritos bettered our belly pain, we packed up and went tailgating at Miller Park before the Milwaukee Brewers game. We shotgunned beers until we ran out -- and then traded brats for more beer! It's nothing short of impressive that we were able to even cook brats: One bridesmaid had bought a new grill for the occasion and we packed it with everything else, but all of us girls, Creighton-educated mind you, failed to realize the grill wasn't yet assembled (HA!) Another bridesmaid, and apparently former Kinex junkie, along with the help of the MOH, Mac-Guyvered the thing together (also with the help of some tools from nearby tailgaters) in no time at all! #GirlPower  We made lots of friends at the time and even came away with a foul ball, thanks to our awesome third-row, third-base line seats -- another SUPER fun night!

Sunday: A nice farwell lunch at a local place and then off to the airport for me. The fun ended there. I did successfully make it to my layover stop in Denver, but only to hear that my flight had been delayed three hours. I tweeted my rage to the airline and my so-far weak following.  The delay was bad enough, until two hours later they CANCELED my flight! No explanation!
"Sorry, the reason hasn't been coded in our system." "
No, I'M sorry, but you're going to have to do better than that!"
Other flights through the same airline and others were off to Omaha without a hitch, but no, not mine. Another hour was wasted in the customer service line where I was rebooked on a different carrier's midnight flight to Lincoln. It was supposedly the closest they could get me and I just wanted to be home. Upon arrival at the new airline's gate, they had no record of me or my reservation. Of course not. So back to square one and the original airline who screwed me over. This time, I refused to wait in line and cut everyone to complain about what happened. Now said midnight flight, which was only a decent option at best, was full and not an option anymore anyway. Now supposedly the soonest flight home to Omaha that wasn't full with other rebooked passengers was Tuesday morning (HA!) Surpringly, I remained calm. I also did some side glances for the candid cameras, ending with me shaking my head. Just my luck this happened on the first trip I ever had to fly alone.  Anyway, I guess I asked the right questions because 'all of a sudden' (OR, all along and she was just unhelpful - whichever) a 10 AM flight Monday appeared and I took it. I mean, my only other option was to rent a car and drive the eight hours, which I never really considered. Can you imagine what would've happened to me on an overnight trip down I-80?!

Monday: I get a call first thing in the morning from my boss, on my personal cell, so I knew it was urgent. A sponsor needed ASAP a key piece of paperwork that only I had saved on my computer, which was of course at my house. We went back and forth trying to come up with a temporary fix to please the sponsor or find some other solution but nothing was panning out. When I texted Matt to inform him of the latest, "WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME?!" happening, he simply replied: "What can I do?"
Not "sorry babe, that sucks," but "what can I do?" It caused me pause. I have a good one, everyone. He had already rearranged his work day because he had to come get me 45 minutes away in the middle of the day, but the guy also agrees to race home before that to do a search for a file on my work computer and call my boss, whom he has met just once in passing, for me. He may not be a real romantic, but I have to give it to him - he's always there when it matters, however ridiculous the situation - my knight in shining armour! So I was grinning in appreciation when it was my turn to board, but the grin quickly turned into a panicked frown when the attendant said my boarding pass wouldn't actually work and that I was not in their system.  It was 15 minutes from takeoff so I once again cut everyone in the service desk line so someone could fix this for me. And luckily, they did. I made it safely to Lincoln where my hubs and dog were there to greet me. But of course, 20 minutes into the drive home, Matt says, "Why are we going west?" -- that's opposite of home. We end up in Crete, out of our way and I am about 60/40 flattered and annoyed that he was too excited to see me to see any of the road signs!  But I allowed myself no other choice but to focus on the positive.  I wasn't in a hotel room by myself anymore, this nightmare was [almost] over and I seemed to learn some things about myself along the way. So I say again as I've said before, I DO think things happen for a reason. If nothing else, this whole experience gave me some writing materials for the blog - it'd almost been a month since last post! :)

Alternative Lifestyles

We went on a vacation with another couple this weekend to Breckenridge, CO. As part of our ubber-touristy trip, we white-water rafted, rode a gondola to the top of a mountain, hiked and ziplined (is that a word?).  Pretending to be adventurous for a few days sure was fun! 

All the fun prompted Matt to ask the group a question: If we lived only 3 hours away (instead of 8+), do you think we would come all the time?

We took the conversation in a direction that had us all living in side-by-side plots in small town Colorado. We "dreamed" of possible careers for ourselves whenv we moved. Kristie was going to find a teaching job in the district, I was to purchasae the for-sale cupcake shop on Main Street, Matt was going to be a dealer (demand is HIGH out there for stuff to get high it seems) and Ross was going to win the state lottery. Because the entire plan somewhat hinges on one of us in fact winning the lottery to fund our future move, in reality, not going to happen. Not only can we not afford a home on Lake Dillon, but we seemed to learn this weekend that not only are we amazingly sycronized paddlers, but that we also just don't fit in in CO. Actually, us girls were even called "yuppies" by two locals (named Steve & Abram, mind you). They sited our hair and bags as evidence (we had washed and brushed our hair and our bags were not made of hemp, so...I guess??)

Better yuppie than hippie in my book. Or so I thought until I looked up the definition of each on Urbandictionary.com. In a nutshell, "yuppie "= Christian Bale's character from American Psycho and "hippie" = a Phish fan who loves acid -- and everything in general.

A life of love, peace, equality and simplicity. Doesn't sound so bad does it? The more I read about it online, the better it sounded, even to anal-ol' me. So in honor of the fun weekend and the adventurous Coloradan hippie lifestyle , I write this while listening to The Grateful Dead. If only the hippie lifestyle paid a yuppie paycheck....because I like being able to afford vacations to Colorado if I want.

15 ways to stay married for 15 years & then some

The moment I read this article after it went viral a month or so ago, I knew I had to both share it and write about it. It is hands down the best relationship of any kind I have ever received.

Here’s author Lydia Netzer’s 15 Ways to Stay Married for 15 years—and then my own commentary about each one. (You can click here for her full blog post explaining each point).

1. Go to bed mad.

Hahahaha – I was right the first time! 

2. Laugh if you can.

Laughing is my favorite thing to do. Making me laugh during a supposed fight is Matt’s favorite thing to do.  Approximately 99.9% of the time, I am not actually as mad as I am letting on. Having him there to diffuse the situation is always so great.

3. Don't criticize. Ever.
Even non-verbally?? Dang, I guess I should stop “subtly” poking Matt’s belly. Being married has not good for either of our diets. Super bummer coming into swimsuit season!

4. Be the mirror.
Mirror, cheerleader, same thing. Matt has been awfully busy at work for awhile now. His new position has required him to learn a lot of new things and perform in a much more fast-paced environment, so it’s my job as a good wife to tell him he’s awesome, he’s best employee ever, etc, etc. You’d be surprised what I come up with sometimes!

5. Be proud and brag.

Ok, so like, he IS awesome and probably at least among the best employees they’ve got. But also, even with his ever-growing midsection (haha, one last jab), he’s hot. And good at volleyball. Oh, and baseball. Even listening. Really, anything he does. J  He better be out there right now telling everyone how cool and pretty I am!

6. Do your own thing.

Speaking of baseball...that’s Matt’s “thing” – as long as he can, that’s what he’ll drive drive more than hour to twice a week to play. I have my own leagues of softball, too. Our interests are shared but we still have our own time away from each other to be ourselves. It gives us something to talk about for the brief periods of time between sports that we do get to hang out.

7. Have kids.

Next, please.

8. Get really good at sex.

Also skipping this one.  

9. Move.

Does travelling count? Because we have done plenty of that.  In fact, we went to the Kentucky Derby this year! [The fact that I had too many mint juleps and passed out in the infield during the actual Derby race is beside the point].  Back to the point, unless something *CRAZY* happens, we’re not going anywhere in terms of actually moving away.

10. Stop thinking temporarily.
I couldn’t have said anything better than what Lydia did, so enjoy: Marriage is not conditional. It is permanent. Your husband will be with you until you die. That is a given. It sounds obvious, but really making it a given is hard. You tend to think in "ifs" and "thens" even when you've publicly committed to forever. If he does this, I won't tolerate it. If I do this, he'll leave me. If I get fat. If I change jobs. If he says mean things. If he doesn't pay more attention. It's natural, especially in the beginning of your marriage, to keep those doubts in your head. But the sooner you can let go of the idea that marriage is temporary -- and will end if certain awful conditions are met -- the sooner you will let go of all kinds of conflict and stress. Yes, you may find yourself in a horrible situation where it's absolutely necessary to get a divorce. But going into it with divorce in the back of your mind, even in the way way way back of your mind, is going to cause a lot of unnecessary angst. Accept that you're going to stay with him. He's going to stay with you. Inhabit that and figure out how to make THAT work, instead of living with the "what if"s and "in case of's."

11. Do not put yourself in trouble's way.

My ex-boyfriend of five years, from about 10 years ago, recently tried to add me as a friend on Facebook out of the blue. It didn’t even cross my mind to accept because of this very point. If Matt played with social media, I’d expect the same from him.  I don’t want to be in a place to even  be able to touch temptation with a 10-foot pole.

12. Make a husband pact with your friends.

I don’t do much criticizing of the hubs, but ok, friends, if I do – don’t judge him for it. It’s probably me that’s the problem.

13. Bitch to his mother, not yours.

“To,” huh – not “about?”

14. Be loyal.

‘Duh.  

15. Trust the person you married.

100% without a doubt. If any doubt, don’t do it. Call it quits. If you can trust each other, not just in terms of being unfaithful, but simply trust yourself around each other to not say that mean thing you’re thinking, that’s not a good sign. If you’ve got trust, then you’ve got loyalty in the bag, too. Now, I’ve never climbed up and then jumped off a 6-foot ladder with my eyes closed and asked Matt to catch me, but I do still trust the guy.

By no means is this a end-all-be-all of marriage advice, but I found it pretty comprehensive from what I know so far--though I couldn't believe saying "I told you" as often as possible didn't make the cut. In fact,  reading Lydia’s version made me smile and think about things in a different light, and I even made Matt sit through my reading her article aloud, as well as my on the spot live commentary. We had some good laughs and discussion that way. I hope my version allows you the same self-realizations and smiles. If not, go "bitch" to your mother about me then, I guess.